I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
