Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
