Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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