I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Welp...herpes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
