I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize