you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
