I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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