Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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