Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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