Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize