bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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