I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize