oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
