I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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