I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
