ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
