i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
