So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
