No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
