Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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