I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
