i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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