Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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