if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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