My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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