we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
