it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
