you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
