checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
