Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize