pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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