I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
