Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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