I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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