I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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