i permit you to call me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
