it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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