there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need help removing her.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
