Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
