Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
