Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
