you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
