dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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