You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
