I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
