I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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