winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
