Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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