Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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