im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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