question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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