Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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