hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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