I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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