you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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