You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
