If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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