didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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