Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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