Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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