I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
