just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
