I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
