Porn is love you can see.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize