i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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