So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
