Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
