but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
