i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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