is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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