you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
