I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
