just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
