no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
